"Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line."

      I had been on hold and waiting for a customer service representative for close to half an hour.  The scratchy music was hard enough on my ears without the additional break-in suggesting that my call was "very important" to them.  My blood pressure rose, as did my boredom.

     Then I did the unthinkable.  I walked in front of my refrigerator to flop on the bed.  The cellphone signal broke.  My phone disconnected.

     Moments like this one trigger all kinds of thoughts. I had already decided that my call wasn't "very important" to them, or they wouldn't have left me on hold.  I would have dealt with a human instead of a computer, and they would have played cool music of my choosing, or at last updated to something that didn't sound like over-used vinyl. 

     I was on a role.  Living where I live didn't help the situation any, so I came up with a rapid fire listing covering some of the disadvantages:

 *There is a direct correlation between opening windows, and farmers spreading manure.

*The choices of internet are as follows:  slow, very slow, slower than that, or none.

*Cellphone signals view my house as a dead zone unless the wind is blowing in the right direction.  If the wind is blowing just right, a roaming triangle might appear on screen.  Unlimited talk/text/data to anywhere in the U.S. is a farce.  Paying federal taxes, on the other hand, are not.

*Everyone knows who you are.  (Fill in the potential reason of your choice as to why.)

*Showers of whirlybird seeds from the maples landing the gutters.

*Tractors dust settling EVERYWHERE.

*Rusty, icky, smelly water that only the devil could love.

*Ragweed, corn tassels, and soybean dust.

     It felt good to get those truths out in the open, my blood pressure lowered, and I was left with only a moderate level of hate for computerized customer-service lines.  I reanalyzed my living environment, and came up with this quick list of advantages:

*Everyone knows who you are.  (Fill in the potential reason of your choice as to why.)

* Showers of whirlybird seeds from the maples raining down in the spring.

*Watching maple syrup buckets fill, followed by eating maple syrup drippy pancakes.  ( I skipped a few steps in the process, but I’m not a part of any crew that stays up all night boiling the sap.)

*A community spring with the best-tasting water, and the folks I get to meet when we gather to fill our cooler jugs.

*Bonfires of our chosen size.

*Living with internet limitations.

*Living with cellphone limitations.

     I like where I live minus a few glitches.   Dealing with customer service isn't necessarily that bad either since I can make the call while on the clock at the office.   Everybody who deals with computerized "we care" messages should get paid for their time.  This seems only fair.

There Isn't a Title for Everything

     Sometimes life is more strange and surreal than it is at other times.  This week has been one of those weeks, beginning with a near-stranger knocking on my door, crying the other day.  I helped the old woman carry her 60 pound dog back into the house because it had "fallen" down the stairs when she let it outside. The poor pup was old, too, and obviously very sick.  I could smell death on its breath, despite her bright eyes and wagging tail.  The old woman begged me to try and make her dog better.  It broke my heart the way a heart breaks when it knows it can't fix things.  I suggested soft blankets and a water bowl nearby, and that I'd check in with her regularly. 
     Today, I warmed up my jeep well, made a soft bed in the hatchback, and backed it up to her door.  We put the woman's precious baby inside.  The bright eyes and waggy tail from a few days ago weren't there anymore.  She heaved and struggled.  
     I'm not sure how I felt as this woman hung onto me with one arm while stroking and kissing her dog as the vet did what needed to be done.  I'm not sure what I felt when the woman looked at me, not even realizing that it was over and asked: "Is she gone yet?"  Surreal beyond surreal.  A near-stranger hugging me and crying and me consoling.  
     And amidst this beyond my comprehension experience, I feel deeply honored that she felt she could turn to me.  I think I am most deeply touched by that.  Tomorrow is grave-digging day.

Oh, Sandy

    

   

     I'm hanging out here  in north-central Ohio, thinking about how grateful I am that I tend to live a minimalist life. It's hard for me to comprehend the local news and all the "freaking out" over the monster of a hurricane striking us; the no batteries, the this, the that, the 'what-ifs'.  In this household, we have more than we need to be okay and safe through this mess.
      With my being an outdoors type of girl, I always have plenty of lanterns, supplies to keep warm, and a mind capable of improvising should the power fail, or whatever. ------In fact, I crack myself up when I think of MY personal concerns: Got showers out of the way, cell phones fully charged, and most importantly, I made an extra pot of coffee that is currently being stored in a thermos...Just in case...and, I baked a huge batch of brownies and apple cinnamon pastries...Just in case...
       I've realized, too, that I not only amuse myself easily, but apparently I entertain pretty simply, as well:  I'm sitting in my favorite chair by the window and have it open just a hair so I can listen to the power of the wind and rain doing its thing. I'm in awe, experiencing an immense respect for the power nature has over us all.  And though it's thrilling from where I sit, I hope that those further east, and those not as crazy as me are safe from harm.

A Dork's Life, Part 1

     Every now and again, the urge strikes me to try real hard to not be such a dork.  It never goes well.
Yesterday, for example, I was cleaning mini-man's room and found an old green pencil pouch.  Can't remember which kid it originally belonged to, but it's one of those cool kinds that has the rings so it can be put in a binder.  Not only that, it has one big pouch that zippers, PLUS a smaller one with a clear front AND subdivided into two separate sections.  Aw, man.  Life doesn't get any better.
     I didn't even have to think.  The following all came naturally.  Part-one of the subdivided section has become my gum and mint holder; Part-two is for money, driver's license and debit card.  (I get goosebumps as I type this). And as for the big pouch part, well that's the best part of all.  I have all of the pens and pencils that seem to congregate and multiply in the bottom of my purse in there.  They seem quite happy in the company of the wayward paperclips that I can't just leave on the ground.  As an added bonus, I can fit my car keys and cell phone in the pouch if I don't feel like carrying my former school bag, now purse, around. 
   

Memo: Holiday Policy Changes Effective Immediately

Dear Readers of this note,

I would like to take a moment here to inform each and every one of you of some unilateral policy changes regarding our fall holiday season I have taken upon myself to make.

#1   October 31st can still be celebrated by all in whichever way the individual and/or family chooses.
#2  Once October 31st celebrations are complete, our collective focus needs to shift in the direction  of the many possible ways in which we might honor Our American Veterans.  Pick any option, or combination thereof, and execute the opportunity for an extra-special "Thanks" on the special day designated for them, (This year was on 11-11-11).

*****Here's where the major policy changes start:
#3  The "Thank you's" on Veteran's Day will serve as the kick-off ceremony for the weeks leading up to the Thanksgiving Holiday.  As part of this "new" Thanksgiving" season created, individuals should spend time each and every day thinking about, honoring, reminding themselves, etc. of all the things they have to be grateful for.
      I realize some people strive to be thankful and grateful regularly in much the same way they remember our service members past and present. But likewise, THANKFULNESS is a concept worthy of it's own season that builds up to a great celebration on Thanksgiving Day.
#4  Thanksgiving Day should be a culmination of all the extra attention given to being thankful in the few weeks leading up to this festive dinner and time with people we are grateful to have.  Football, in the form of either direct viewing or attempted playing is optional.  Napping is recommended, but not required.
#5  Black Friday:  Holiday shopping, (aka: hysterical mayhem),  may now begin.

     Please inform retailers of this change in policy so that they might join us in expressing gratitude for our Veterans, followed by a couple of weeks of preparing for Thanksgiving and expressing gratitude.  You may need to provide them with a brief history to explain why this latter holiday should not be swept under the rug.  Maybe throw in a sentence, or two, about how a grateful heart is one that enjoys giving, thereby boosting the economic output of the consumers frequenting their establishments, and that it isn't nice, or necessary to try and bury the art of being thankful under the rug on Thanksgiving.
    Thank you for your cooperation on this matter.

Sincerely,
Katherine Schweitzer, EM

p.s.  Today, my gratitude focus has been on this amazingly soft sweatshirt I wear around the house way too much, and the huge bowl of creamy potato and chicken soup I made this morning, and the smell it has left lingering in my house, and the little boy I spent last night with, making me smile at his new dance moves, and....

     ****Disclaimer:  This note is not designed to discourage those inclined to make holiday purchases outside of this window of time.  A good bargain is a good bargain that should not be passed up.  Rather, it is  a reminder to ignore the plastic Christmas trees seated next to the Halloween costumes in mid-October,  a reminder to tune out the Christmas music playing in the aisles on November 1st, and a reminder to live in the present, appreciate what you have even if  spending $$ isn't involved, (sorry Wally World and Friends), and to not get caught up in the stresses and hype associated with the expectations hurled at us this time of year.

Six Lessons Learned About Strength and Weakness

1. Cats may think they are tough, but they are delusional in thinking that they really do have 9 lives. One car, one sip of poison, or one bad jump out of a tree, bashing its nose on a branch is all it takes to make its human mamma cry. You are strong, little kitties. You are brave and independent, too. But in the midst of all these strong and lovable traits, you are still vulnerable and weak like every other living thing is sometimes.
2. Much like cats, a person's strengths and weakness are often one in the same. I've always been a believer in this philosophy within myself. I see it in those around me, too. It's a delicate line to walk in keeping these two opposites in check: like walking on a razor blade's edge. My heart reminds me of this personal truth frequently as I contemplate hatred, or love, a person's exterior appearance versus who they are in spirit, etc. Love always wins out in the end, as does coming to know the heart and soul of someone else.
3. Strength is choosing to look inward at the ugly in ourselves, learning from it, growing from it and becoming somehow better as a result. Weakness is refusing to recognize and own the truth of #2 -- choosing to stay on an ugly path --choosing to continue doing ugly things.
4. Strength is being able to stand up and say, "No, I will not take this anymore!" BUT, speaking out is only a strength, if it is specific about an action, or deed. It's like teetering on that razor's edge, careful to make certain that your heart doesn't allow a specific to generalize and spread. "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater," some might say, or "Judge the sin, not the sinner." Weakness would be disregarding the "BUT" part of this specific lesson.
5. Strength is being willing to recognize that we all fall short in items #2 through #4 sometimes, and not kicking ourselves when it happens. Weakness is choosing to cast aside this gift of choice we are blessed with and making the decision to face the world like a cat unconcerned about its mamma mourning the strong-willed, independent choices it made while jumping too high from the tree.
6. It's okay to be weak and cry about #1 though #5 sometimes. That's a strength comparable to dancing on a razor's edge.

L.O.V.E. = Live Our Values Everyday (Gizzy girl aka Chowdie Poof)

I am perfect in my weaknesses. (King LJ the cat)

Learn to dance on the edge of a razor (Stewie aka Ruin, Goddess of Oblivion)

Ring of Fire

On March 8, 2011, I printed up maps of plate tectonics and active volcanoes to help alleviate Gil's fears about them, along with his fears of tsunamis and earthquakes happening in our neighborhood. It's March 11th now and my son has gone to bed with the maps for 3 days, studying the weak areas and fault lines of our earth until he reached secure acceptance as to the reality of what he saw on those papers. His realization that Ohio stands so far away from The Ring of Fire quashed the nightmares threatening his sleep, and as a bonus, his new-found knowledge produced an evolution, allowing him to begin comprehending my passion for and connection to the geological makeup of our planet.

Up until today, I thought there was a distance between my home and The Ring, too, but that was before I heard the number 8.9 and saw the waves carrying cars and crashing houses and fires in the midst of it all. I think of the children whose nightmares have just begun, wishing I could send them each a map while telling them, "Come here to Ohio. It's safe here. I will teach you how to feel safe on our earth again and tomorrow we will go hunting for limestone fossils in the driveway. Now hush and sleep well."